Contemplating Chaos

Tired

2008-03-04T12:29:00.002-05:00

I'm tired.

Tired of trying.

Tired of being kicked whenever I'm down.
Tired of hearing about everyone's problems while keeping my own stuck in my gut.
I'm tired of being so anxious and paranoid.
I'm tired of not drinking.
Tired of politics and revolution.
I'm tired of caring and being responsible.
I'm tired of waiting for the end to come.
I'm tired of consumerism.
I'm tired of giving a shit.
I'm tired of going unnoticed.
I'm tired of work.
I'm tired of poverty, my own and the worlds.
I'm tired of pretending to be happy.
I'm tired of pretending to be sad.
I'm tired of my post modernist philosophy, but I'm tired of yours as well.
I'm tired of Exxon Mobile.
I'm tired of my lack of ambition.
I'm tired of stale music.
Tired of ego maniacal 17 year olds.
I'm tired of un bent hat rims.
I'm tired of the Yankees.
I'm tired of lame jokes.
I'm tired of blowouts.
I'm tired of bad drivers.
I'm tired of attitudes.
I'm tired of my life.
I'm tired of holidays.
I'm tired of writing.

6 lines of nothing

2008-02-27T08:30:00.002-05:00

We're all living in Grand Central Station. Watching people who assume they are important hustle around with their briefcases and shoulder bags.

We are constantly introduced to new sickness and new cures. Our deaths are mocked by life, our paranoid existence is marred by plagues and we try to find retroactive cures.

"Label me I'll label you"

Win or lose, kill or be killed. It's fucking cutthroat (with AK's.)

Shit-Show

2008-02-22T08:37:00.003-05:00

They are all the same. And I am tired of it.
Hillary this- Obama that- John McCaim slept with a lobbyist.

HOLY SHIT! Fucking newsflash.

Are you ready?

They are all corrupt and only concerned with themselves (their interests.)

I would be thrilled if the young, underdog, black man became President and it sparked a social change. But it won't. He gets supported by Ted Kennedy (the only Kennedy not dead*, but never investigated for a murder) and he wins 10 states in a row, and everyone falls in love with him.

Obama does NOT equal change. Obama does NOT equate to hope. Obama is the Tiger fuckin' Woods of politics. The color of his skin does NOT match the struggle by which it is associated with.

And don't get me started on Hillary Medusa-Clinton. Another year of Clinton is another year of Bush. People overlook this oligarchy factor that is not fucking conspiracy theory. If she is elected it happened. People still don't realize that if the Obama-Clinton count is close when these primary's end the "super delegates" (New World Order) can just reverse the decision and make Hil their nom.

And yes I referred to them as the NWO because 892 people control 40% of the final vote count leaving 383, 488, 000 with the remaining 60%.

And fuck, when I was able to vote I became interested in politics- and this super-delegate, electoral college shit has got to go. This primary shit has got to go. This entire system they have commandeered and held for ransom (tax dollars) has got to go. It is far more complex (full of shit) than it has to be.

This democratic shit show has got to go. Let us cast our vote for whomever we want, and the numbers will decide. Ultimately the powers that be just hand the keys to the kingdom over to their neighbor put an elbow in their rib and remind them to change the sheets.

Our whole system is based on a chuckle and a wink.

What.

2008-02-10T22:18:00.000-05:00

Music soothes even the savage beast. The old adages always hold true.

We need this. Above all we need to unite. We need to focus on having fun... Living life as opposed t destroying it.

Crossroads, roadblocks. Sometimes we have to stop giving a shit in order to give a shit.

Everyone is living life wrong anyway... We mourn the dead, instead of celebrate their lives. We all mourn life, and concentrate so much on dying, and the dead.

That's all.

For just a minute

2007-12-05T11:54:00.001-05:00

I think I have found the balance. I don't know what the really means.
I have had enough of being vehemently worried and shit.

Fuck you. I know what you're thinking.

"Momentary lapse of reason, you'll be back to you're freak out mind fuck self in a matter of weeks."

You may be right, but I beg to differ. I don't know quite how I'll beg yet, alas... No one is ever right.

Semester is almost over... Only 3 more (if I'm lucky.) My friends are slowly graduating, filtering through the (fuck the) system. Then I will be virtually alone.

With a cat.

Meow. You bastards

A god that doesn't exist

2007-11-28T11:44:00.000-05:00

Fuck this class and fuck my life.

Music and writing.

I had a drink before noon. Quality entertainment.

Wasted system.

I hate everyone.

Whatever. You've made your choice. Live with it. I will try.

Forgo

2007-11-25T03:19:00.000-05:00

Insane and accumulated
A forgiveness and display
We work in ways and lose the moment
I hate you all
Yes
In a bereavement I digress
You shed your skin and I second guess
Place a bet on
Cairo
Helms of mate
More we exchange
Kind words
Of your bath
of your shunning showers
I
Made
you

The exile of gods.

2007-11-13T00:09:00.000-05:00

Hearts beat and minds deceive.
Deception is at the heart of everything.
Allow me to stray from riddles.

I have come to the conclusion that a revolution is only worth fighting if the cause is completely just. No gray areas. So lingering question marks.

But nothing is black and white and nothing is clear. Ever.

I witnessed a rebellious mind at work. He called us complacent. A word I have used time and time and time and time and time again. Alas, I am the liberal. I am too young or too uneducated to make these claims in a public forum without being labeled.

I see another witch hunt happening, one not as ignorant as the first. There will be flesh burning. There will be injustice.

Look in the fucking mirror and tell me that I have no substance in my words.

It's terrifying the road we're headed down, head first, no signs of slowing down. We're wasted and confused.

Are we deliberately attempting to overthrow ourselves? Is unity a truly lost idea?
We do not live in a world of exceptionalism. We do not live in a world of lost lust, or an extinction of ideas. However these are not expressed. Thoughts are not appreciated. Which is why I am a lost cause. A wandering artist.

However, calling myself an artist is seemingly egotistic.
But we must have an ego.
We must have an idea.
We must.

Are you receiving me?

2007-10-21T00:39:00.000-04:00

The meandering days are over
Or are they here again?
Compulsion
I'm a heretic
Apathy has destroyed our nation
And I am too quick to judge
Damn you for mocking me
Damn me for believing.

Jargon before eight

2007-10-10T07:38:00.000-04:00

We wander and wonder. This life we live is owned by major corporations, news media, Billboard Charts and the police. So long as we are kept poor we are enslaved. Even collegiate professors are elitist with their red pens and ability to shatter our hopes and dreams with a stroke of ink.

We live on our laptops and good days can be defined by the protagonist of our favorite shows finally getting the lover they have yearned for.

I smoke a pack a day because I can find no healthy way to alleviate the pressure of two hands wrapped firmly around my neck as society puts a stranglehold around my passion and creativity. You can't get a job without a degree, even if you are better at what you do than the douche-bag in charge. You can't get by without a pay check even if the role you play in society is more meaningful than those signing the sum' bitch. There is no freedom from hunger. Nor is there freedom from needing a home. And this is my life. I work to eat and keep somewhat warm. Lord knows I would like to spend my money on guitars, drugs, flowers for my girl... But even these little things are huge in the scheme of things.

But because of you, society, no one can live free. You want fast cars and fast woman. You want big TV's and bigger houses. You want a fat steak and a fat wallet.

I want REAL freedom. The freedom to be passionate and creative without you telling me I need a job and I need money. If you bastards would let me live and love in peace I wouldn't be going to pieces trying to make it in this society you have so humbly taken over.

I am no righteous man. And I have no intent to play that role. Your system has failed, but you have sent it to summer school indefinitely giving it endless opportunities to get its' grades up and pass onto the next generation. It failed us, it will fail them.

Like a tumor, just waiting to give you cancer your capitalistic society is benign. Someone needs to surgically repair this problem before it's too late.

Perhaps... It already is.

Confessions of a post modernist

2007-10-04T17:17:00.000-04:00

I am not an ex-truther. I will never say that I wasted any of my life on anything. Alas, I must, like Mike Metzger, address the "movement."

I bull horned traffic and I spoke at the Social Action Conference as a member of 9/11 Truth, however I was never comfortable handing out pamphlets or DVD's. I watched most every movie, and read most every report. But I never fully believed anything. To my post modernist mind nothing added up.

I hate the government. Do I think that members of this administration are sly enough to pull something like 9/11 off? I do. Do I think they did? I just don't know.

What killed the movement for me? Marketing, sales, Dylan Avery, Burmas, I always fucking hated Alex Jones for all he spews is rhetoric in a loud voice, the We Are Change crew and the rest of the elitist fucks that try to progress their own agenda (whatever that may be) through various means of information.

A personal experience I had that made my stomach turn was an issue a couple months ago. I found out that there was going to be a concert and they were still looking for bands... I am in a band, and I will not say that we are great, but one thing we are (the lyrics are) is patriotic. Not in the normal sense but the air of the Dead Kennedys and Black Flag, Anti-Flag etc... The Nazi in charge said that we weren't patriotic enough. No he wanted a bunch of hippie, cumbaya crap, and sure, that is the prerogative of the promoter, but to let their personal jaded view of patriotism get in the way of a message is elitist and oppressive.

Turns out the show sucked anyway, so I'm glad I was told politely to go fuck myself.

9/11 was the catalyst for war, sure, to push the Bush agenda. However we (activists or whatever) should be focused on the fact that the government taps our phone, spits in the eye of equal rights, and keep secrets from us daily, and we shouldn't have to take it, and shouldn't willfully take it.

"Just give us our country back"
-Kode Blue "Fuck You"

Metzger hits one nail right on the head. 50,000 DVD's times 20 bucks a piece is a million bucks. A million bucks for theories from a college drop out. Capitalism at it's finest.

9/11 allowed our country to be hijacked, whether it was planned since 1996 or not, it was still a catalyst and the families deserve an independent investigation as to where the fuck air support was, among other things.

When I was in the movement I was called a drunk among other things, yet most people who know me understand that my thinking is sometimes better when my conscience is altered. And those that are still within the movement need to focus on living life as opposed to analyzing it all the time.

Most of them are still friends, but on a different level. They understand why I walked away from the movement, because I had to focus on MY life and figure out how I can make a difference socially, from the counter culture in which I so strive to live and love in.

I have been with Metzger through most of his journey, and while he kinda went from one extreme to another in a sense, he is happier now, and isn't that what life is about? Finding your own happiness?

Live and let live.
Fuck you Alex Jones you fat fuck. I hope you choke on a fucking Slim Jim.
Fuck you too Avery, I don't know you, and I am glad for this, because I would spit all over you and your stupid red hat.
Finally... Fuck you Bush and Cheney for making our nation fucking miserable for the last 8 years. Condelezza Rice looks like a fucking turtle.

Late
TG

You Never Know Until You Try

2007-10-02T14:20:00.000-04:00

A drop of blood, sweat, semen. It's all DNA. How do we restructure our base and balance?
The world we live in is harsh and most of us mechanically melt down as soon as we hit a peak or valley. We merely perch on a branch in hopes of seeing some light at the end of the ambiguous tunnel.
The main point I am trying to make I guess, is an abstract "don't wait for anything to come to you."
This is not designed to be a self help anything.
Fact it I don't want to help anyone that doesn't want to help themselves.
The pranks of society are the laws and the rules and the stereotypes, in which we must overthrow.
I recollect a simpler time, when all that mattered was what food you liked and disliked and what your favorite color is. Now you eat what you can get and assume that what you are looking at is actually reality. Poverty is a weapon of the rich and gluttony is no longer a sin.
Lest we forget our past and future en devours and focus on what we have lost during out present rise to being extinct.
We are a society of addicts and saints. Kill a family and you are granted access to heaven via last rites. We can do no wrong in the eyes of God so long as we kiss his immortal omnipotent ass right before we meet the big guy.
Of course this is a fallacy widely believed.
We are objects of the state, put on display glowing of perfection and right. Yet in reality it should be noted that we are forever flawed and the laws of nature are replaced with the laws of man, our flaws are exposed to their judges. Our mistakes are put on trial, not us as people.
One act forever.